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Sunday

Thank You, Dear Reader

To y'all--

I heard once that most blogs don't make it past a year. Of course, I considered that a challenge. It's been a year and 5 months since I gave birth to New York Ex. And you know how ornery toddlers can be.

With my orneriness in mind, it's time to step away from New York Ex. I want to thank all of you for checking in, commenting, riding my ass and making me laugh over and over. It was because of this blog that I finished my book, as it gave me a shot of confidence to pick it up again. You were no small part in that. Thank you.

I'll still have the blog/archives up and once my book comes out, I'll post information so that you can purchase all of the sordid details about my real life. I suppose I'll have no choice but to reveal my superhero identity but until then...

Love and regards,
New York Ex

Monday

Is It An Apple...Or A Lemon?

Dear Apple,

In July '03, I bought my first Mac: an iBook. As a teacher in NYC, it took many afterschool programs to save up the $1550 and needless to say, I was thrilled when it came in the mail. I couldn't wait to use iPhoto, iTunes, iMovie, iPod and Airport.

The romance quickly soured in Jan. '04 when my logicboard failed. Apple was kind enough to pay full cost, though my 90 day warranty had expired. It took 3 times in Jan. for my computer to be fully fixed (all dispatch numbers at end of email.) After further research, I realized that many '03 iBooks were suffering the same defect but hoped that this would be the one and only time for my iBook.

All was well until Jan. '05 when the logicboard failed again. How discouraging. Not only did I lose my lesson-planning resources but my logicboard, hard drive and keyboard were replaced. I lost my entire iTunes collection as a result. Apple once again paid full cost.

No problem until 4/22/06. I was writing an email and blip! the video disappeared, the death of my logicboard once again. Except this time, Apple didn't want to cover the repairs, even though I was still under the 3 year logicboard warranty (the 1st tech didn't tell me this, of course). The tech began pushing new and refurbished products and when I explained that I just wanted my 2 1/2 year old iBook to simply work, she offered a $322 flat rate to fix it.

Of course it was a ludicrous idea for me to pay for a design flaw that I've been dealing with for nearly three years. I called Apple the next day and a more understanding tech set up a free repair for this week. Once again, I'm out of a computer for at least 2 weeks.

I've been loyal to Apple and other than this continual problem, I've loved my iBook. It saddens me that Apple continues to fix the same problem while expecting different results. Isn't that the definition of insanity? I'd like a laptop that is worthy of all the hours I spent afterschool to save $1500. Otherwise, I'll just go out and pay for a PC that's 1/2 the price.

I'd like for you to step up to the plate and replace my iBook with a reliable one. What I can offer you in return is my thanks and continued loyalty to Apple products. Because really...is it an Apple, or is it a lemon?

Thanks for your time.
New York Ex

p.s. Eat me.

Friday

Still Alive


but I think Avery & Zoey are a little sick of me singing to them.

Monday

He Is Risen, But I'm Still A Punk

As much as I try to convince my parents, they still can't grasp that I'll never be the dutiful daughter they desire.

Here's a glimpse into yet another thrilling conversation with my father:

Me (rushing in to grab the phone after a walk): Hello??
Dad: X, it's Dad.
Me: Oh, hey Dad.
Dad: We were waiting up 11:30, 12:00, waiting for your call last night.
Me: Oh, uh, I forgot. I'm not good with holidays. I don't really celebrate them.
Dad: (a beat of disappointed silence): Well, we expected you to call...
Me: Dad, did you call just to give me a hard time?
Dad: No, I'm not trying to give you a hard time!

But that was shocking enough to cause my father to abruptly divert the conversation towards the usual topics ("What's going on in VT? How are the cats? Are you working every day?")

Wouldn't it be nice if I could be honest w/my parents? Just lay it all out?

"Well, Dad, the real reason I didn't call is b/c I was drunk and stoned while celebrating the Lord's resurrection. I think Jesus was pleased. Now can you stop with the bullshit guilt trips? How's the sex life with Mom?"

I'm a bad daughter. A very, very bad daughter. I don't call on hoidays. I come home once a year. I'm lucky if I call once a month.

I wish I felt more guilty...but that's what I have my Dad for.

Sunday

Holiday Cheer

A little Rilke for Easter Sunday.

You who never arrived
in my arms, Beloved, who were lost
from the start,
I don't even know what songs would please you. I have given up trying
to recognize you in the surging wave of the next
moment. All the immense
images in me--the far-off, deeply-felt landscape,
cities, towers, and bridges, and unsuspected
turns in the path,
and those powerful lands that were once
pulsing with the life of the gods--
all rise with me to mean
you, who forever elude me.

You, Beloved, who are all
the gardens I have ever gazed at,
longing. An open window
in a country house--, and you almost
stepped out, pensive, to meet me. Streets that I chanced upon--
you had just walked down them and vanished.
And sometimes, in a shop, the mirrors
were still dizzy with your presence and, startled, gave back
my too-sudden image. Who knows? perhaps the same
bird echoed through both of us
yesterday, separate, in the evening...

Friday

And after he had made all the other creatures of the earth, only then did the Creator make man and woman. And he fashioned their bodies that they should know each other's flesh but their souls that they should forever be strangers. For only thus divided might they find their true path.

---Calvin Sashone, Creative Mythology

Wednesday

Jesus Loves You, Bigot

Wow. Check this out.

Tuesday

Artistscope

GEMINI

Plato said God was a geometer who created an ordered universe imbued with mathematical principles. Through the ages, scientists who've dared to speak of a Supreme Being have sounded the same theme. Galileo wrote, "To understand the universe, you must know the language in which it is written. And that language is mathematics." Modern physicist Stephen Hawking says that by using mathematical theories to comprehend the nature of the cosmos, we're trying to know "the mind of God." But philosopher Richard Tarnas proposes a different model than these three. In his book Cosmos and Psyche, he suggests that God is an artist--more in the mold of Shakespeare than Einstein. Your assignment, Gemini, is to practice seeing the world like that: as a sublime work of art crafted by a master of drama, suspense, and storytelling. In my opinion, your life these days is a lyrical example of this divine craft.

Monday

Destiny And Other Brainy Strings

or maybe that's navel strings.

I've been thinking about risk and choices lately. Is there such a thing as destiny or do we change the path with our choices?

I spoke with a good friend about this over the weekend. Her sister-in-law and brother have been married for 25 years--very happily--but their relationship started from an affair. Obviously, it was painful for everyone involved, (though my friend's brother was very unhappy in his marriage). What if he decided to stay with his 1st wife? How would his life have evolved then? Was he 'meant' to be with his wife now? Was adultery part of the plan? Would their paths have crossed otherwise?

These are difficult questions for me, probably b/c I grew up in a religious environment. I think about David and his adulterous relationship with Bathsheba. Though God killed their 1st son, they eventually had Solomon. Of course, Jesus came from their lineage, too. David had 7 other wives, so did God purposely set that one up?

How's that for Monday morning sunshine? Blame it on the CD I'm watching in Conceptual Physics right now: The Elegance of the Universe. We're at the quantum mechanics part right now.

Thank God I brought Star Magazine.

Wednesday

There Are No Fashion Faux Paus

in Vermont. Yet another reason why I luvvv living here.

After spending the entire afternoon in my ratty pink Victoria's Secret robe (inside armpit ripped, belt loop hanging by a thread, etc), I knew it was time for a walk in the lovely lingering dusk.

All right. Forget the dusk. It was time for me to head to the corner grocery for a B&J's Half-Baked popsicle.

So I pulled on my huge pair of fleece sweatpants that I have to curl around my hips so they won't fall off and put on my huge sweatshirt. Not flattering, but certainly better than the robe.

Except the black fleece was coated in cat hair. When I tried to wipe my legs down, it just made the static worse. So, what did I do? I proceeded to the grocery, and proudly walked my hairy legs in. I mean, I haven't done THE BIG SHAVE yet, so the external merely reflected the internal.

There was a time--fading from my memory--when I wouldn't even think about leaving my Upper East Side apt. in sweats, even sneakers. Jeans? Dark only.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Tuesday

Hard And Sweet


Okay. I'm calmer now. I just pulled out my long, hard chocolate bar from Burdick's and started nibbling.

(Note to self: Find new project. Soon.)

Trim That Bush

Enough about sex. I'm ready to RIP someone's head off!

There has been a goddamm tree trimmer on my fucking road for 3 hours, cutting and grinding and blowing out what's left of my delicate inner ear. I tried to be all Buddhist and accept it. Then I tried to ignore it by sleeping. And now? Thank God I'm a somewhat normal human b/c these FUCKING MACHINES are really tempting me to lose it!

I must sleep...I must sleep. Fucking, goddam bastards!

Monday

Crocolicious

Sunday

Sex Meme

As I approach my one-year anniversary of unwilling celibacy, it gives me plenty of time to ponder the state of the universe and....oh, fuck it.

Question: What's the longest you've gone (willingly/unwillingly) without sex?

Tagged: My darling Syd

The lovely bitch

The delicious creamypuff

The brilliant greymatters

and any other sucker who wants to join in the heartbreak...

I Need To Take A Week Off

just to prepare for subbing the following week.

I will be subbing A WHOLE WEEK at my former place of employment. That's right. Monday through Friday, like a normal working schlub. That's why I need this week off, to rest and focus.

And go to Target.